From Joy to Sadness to Anxiety: Understanding the Emotional Evolution of Motherhood
When we first meet Riley in Inside Out, her control panel is clearly led by Joy—bright, bubbly, energetic. Joy sees herself as the leader, the protector of Riley’s happiness, and the one who keeps things “on track.” But as Riley grows and life gets harder—like moving across the country and losing her sense of stability—Joy begins to lose control. And that’s when something beautiful happens: Sadness steps in.
At first, Sadness is treated like the problem. The thing to avoid. But in the most powerful moment of the movie, we realize that Sadness is the one who brings connection. It’s Sadness that allows Riley to be seen, to be comforted, to ask for help. And when Sadness touches Riley’s memories—memories that were once just joyful—they become more complete. More human.
For many women, that feels familiar.
The Emotional Shift We Don’t Always Talk About
There comes a point in a woman’s life—especially in motherhood—when Joy is no longer in the driver’s seat. It’s not that she disappears; she’s still there, popping in with laughter and play and love. But the control panel starts getting crowded. Sadness, Anxiety, Envy, Exhaustion… they all show up. And sometimes, they take the lead.
It’s not a failure. It’s an evolution.
Sadness represents empathy, depth, and the space to hold others’ feelings. And for many of us, that’s what womanhood feels like—holding space for everyone else’s emotions, while ours quietly settle just below the surface.
Why Sadness Might Be Running Our Emotional Center
As women, especially mothers, we carry invisible weight: the mental load.
Even with a supportive partner—and I’m lucky to have one—there are moments when it feels like my brain never gets to shut off. My husband is hands-on. He keeps up with the kids’ schedules, he helps run programs, he’s all in. But even in that good partnership, there’s still:
The doctor’s appointments only I remember to book.
The reminders I give about who needs what for school tomorrow.
The internal tug-of-war when I find myself saying (again), “That’s not my responsibility. I can’t hold it all.”
Because I can’t. And I shouldn’t.
I have four children. I’m raising them while trying to nurture a marriage. I run a business. I create. I think. I feel. And sometimes, Sadness is simply the only one with enough emotional bandwidth to make sense of it all.
When Anxiety and Envy Start Taking Over
In Inside Out 2, Riley’s control panel gets a major upgrade with the introduction of more complex emotions—like Anxiety and Envy. And let’s be real: those two are real guests in our adult brains too.
Anxiety often shows up when we’re trying to do it all. When we feel the pressure to keep every ball in the air.
Envy can sneak in when we scroll, when we compare, when we see someone else who seems to be doing motherhood, business, or life “better.”
But here’s the thing: those emotions aren’t bad. They’re messengers.
Anxiety can be useful. It keeps us alert. It makes us plan ahead. It’s the reason we pack extra snacks and have backup outfits in the diaper bag.
Envy can shine a light on what we truly desire—what we’re longing for, what we’re afraid to name.
Emotional Intelligence Means Letting Everyone Have a Voice—Not Letting Them Be the CEO
The key isn’t trying to kick these emotions out of the control room. It’s knowing when to let them speak—and when to lovingly move them aside.
Because when Anxiety becomes the CEO, we stop trusting ourselves. We overthink, we panic, we spiral.
And when Envy takes the wheel, we lose sight of our own unique path—our values, our joy, our story.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean being happy all the time. It means knowing how to sit with the uncomfortable feelings. To name them. To learn from them. To bring Joy back in for a dance when the timing feels right.
The Reality of Motherhood—and the Beauty of Complexity
I used to think I had to stay positive for my kids, anytime I would seem sad, they noticed. I worried that if Joy wasn’t in control, I was letting them down. But I don’t believe that anymore.
Now I believe that emotional depth is one of the greatest gifts we give our children. When they see us navigate Sadness, talk about Anxiety, acknowledge Envy, and still make space for Joy? They learn that being human is not about avoiding hard feelings—it’s about moving through them.
And yes, some days Sadness might be at the wheel.
But some days Joy shows up with coffee and hope.
And some days, we’re simply doing our best to keep the panel from sparking.
That’s not weakness. That’s strength.
What emotion is leading your control panel right now?
Joy? Sadness? Anxiety? A little bit of everything?
Tell me in the comments or share this with someone else who’s carrying a lot and needs to know they’re not alone.
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As a therapist by trade and a mom of four, I use my expertise in understanding personalities to help you discover your "Disney Enneagram"—a fun way to tailor your Disney vacation planning to suit your family's needs or large group dynamics, ensuring everyone enjoys the magic in their own unique way. With my firsthand experience navigating Disney with babies and toddlers, I'll share all my best tips to make your trip smooth and fun for everyone. Plus, check out some of our family's favorite rides at Magic Kingdom—there's something for everyone to enjoy!
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